Following the Thread, What Has Been Following You?
In Possibilities 001, I wrote about wanting to choose a hobby now that my children are adults. As I thought about what I might enjoy doing next, I kept coming back to a larger question: how do we find our way back to the things that have always interested us? That question made me think not only about the hobby I decided to pursue, but also about my children and the career paths they have chosen. Possibilities do not always require discovering something new. Sometimes they come from noticing something that has been quietly following us for years.
For me, that interest is creating. I decided I wanted to try making my own clothes. I still have the sewing machine I used to make curtains, so I already had a good starting point. I chose four patterns, and now the only things left to buy are the fabric and maybe the thread.
Thinking about my own next possibility reminded me that our children have each found their way by paying attention to the interests that showed up early in their lives. Shaun and I found our paths differently. I asked all three of them for permission to write about those paths, and they all agreed. I thought it was important to show mine and Shaun’s paths as well.
Shaun went to college right after high school and played football at a private university. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree. He worked in a big city before returning to his hometown, where he found a job through his brother-in-law at a nuclear power plant. He worked his way up to becoming a licensed reactor operator, a role he held for over 30 years. When he was growing up, college was a must. His parents both earned GEDs, and there was no question that he and his siblings would earn college degrees. They all did.
For me, growing up, college was never even a thought. My parents focused on me finishing high school because they hadn’t. My dad finished 11th grade, and my mom finished 8th. Both worked in a factory before their retirement. I finished high school and, a year later, took a class I didn’t finish. Four years later, I decided I needed a degree. I chose something I had always loved: paperwork and lists. Or at the time, that is what Business Administration meant to me.
After completing my bachelor’s degree in Business Distributive Education (teaching business grades 7–12), I went to the department chair to ask what she thought my master’s degree should be, because teachers in New York State need a master’s degree within five years of initial certification. She steered me away from an MBA and said, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” So I listened closely during my student teaching and heard faculty discuss whether students might be struggling more with reading than with the course content. I earned my master’s degree in Literacy, grades 5-12. I couldn’t find a job in a public school setting, so Shaun asked if I had thought of teaching college. I had not. So I started as an adjunct at Cayuga, where I earned my associate’s degree, and then was hired at SUNY Jefferson in 2008. I went on to earn a CAS in Disability Studies and then my doctorate.
Because I have worked in higher education for 20 years, some people have assumed I would push my kids toward college. That assumption has never been accurate. What I wanted most was for each of them to pay attention to what they loved and to choose a path that made sense for who they were.
I will start with our oldest child, Dakota. When he was little, he loved anything with wheels, tires, or a motor. He had a Little Tikes four-wheeler, which eventually turned into a small four-wheeler when he was five. From there, he moved on to bigger four-wheelers and snowmobiles when we lived in New York State. When he was going into 11th grade, he came to me to talk about CiTi BOCES. During the last two years of high school, students spend half of each day learning a trade, and Dakota was curious about auto tech.
Years later, he told me he wasn’t sure he’d like it, but he loved it. After high school, he thought he wanted to study engineering. About three weeks into the semester, he stopped by my office, and we talked about his classes. He said he was not doing well in a couple of them. I asked, “Do you want to quit?” He said yes. We talked about what that would look like, and then I put on my advising hat and asked, “What is your endgame? What is it that you want to do?” He said, “I am a mechanic.” I said, “Then be a mechanic.”
He changed his degree program and earned an associate degree in humanities and social science while also playing baseball. Later, he transferred to a private four-year institution to continue playing baseball and had to declare a major. He chose history, and when he could, he incorporated the history of the automotive field. He has remained in automotive and body work, first working for the place where he completed his internship and later moving on to other opportunities.
From a young age, Aliza loved playing with pots and pans and baking. She had an Easy-Bake Oven, a slushy machine, and a cotton candy maker. When it was her turn in 11th grade, she came to me to discuss CiTi BOCES, and we talked about culinary arts and cosmetology. I encouraged her to check whether English was included in the cosmetology program because I did not think it was. When she came back and confirmed that it was not, we talked about why she needed a program that included all of the required elements in case she later decided to change careers. She chose culinary arts and loved it.
She completed the program and worked at the restaurant where she interned. She also went on to college to play volleyball and earned an associate degree in hospitality. While we were still in New York, she ran the kitchen and restaurant for the last three years. She always wanted to learn every part of the restaurant, so she started in the back of the house and eventually moved to the front. She now lives in North Carolina, where she works as an assistant manager at a restaurant.
After Dakota and Aliza finished high school, CiTi BOCES invited them back to speak with students about their experiences. They shared what their respective programs had looked like for them, what they had learned, and how those choices shaped their next steps. I presented alongside them from the perspective of the college where I was working. It was a full-circle moment: my children could speak honestly about choosing trade-based paths, and I could talk about college not as the only option, but as one possible part of a larger journey.
Our youngest, Loralei, was an avid reader when she was young. She participated in Battle of the Books for a few years in elementary school and also loved watching television and movies. We have a funny video of her at about three years old walking from the living room to the kitchen with a see-through laundry basket over her head, then heading back to watch TV.
When we talked with her about learning a trade, she checked out digital arts but decided she wanted the high school experience. She went on to earn a two-year degree in humanities and social science because she was not yet sure what she wanted to do. She loved reading and writing, and she enjoyed learning new languages. She even considered being a foreign language interpreter. After taking a year off to figure out her next step, she decided to pursue screenwriting and film. She applied to several schools and chose a private institution ranked in the top ten. She had the opportunity to enroll in a summer course that the college would pay for, including travel to the city. She went, and didn’t like it. She wanted to come home before the week was over. We talked through it, and she stayed. When we picked her up at the airport, I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said no. It was not until about three weeks before she had to leave that she decided to go. She ultimately decided to attend because she felt she would regret missing the experience and the learning if she didn’t go. She is now getting ready to head back for her last year.
All three of our kids followed interests that had been part of who they were since they were little. In a way, that brings me back to my own hobby. I did not make clothes when I was young, but I have always liked creating things. Sometimes possibilities come from recognizing what has always interested us. Other times, they come from being willing to follow a turn we never expected.
What has been quietly following you for years that might become your next possibility?